I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
