so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
