you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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