i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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