you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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