I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
