tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
