meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
