By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She told me I should be a condom model.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
