seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
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I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
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If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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