don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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