your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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