Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
