Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
