My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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