This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
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