Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass