her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
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I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
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She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?