Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.