you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
