I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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