Your face is a jimmy john
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
