we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
