There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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