Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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