I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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