I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
