I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
