I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
