When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?