I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.