So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
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he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
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She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card