I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?