we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
