Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
