Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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