I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
