Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
