addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
