You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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