Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
