Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
