i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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