it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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