I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
