ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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