All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
