She tied me up with her honor cords...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
