Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
