his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
