If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
