i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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