I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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