I can text with my tongue
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
