Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
