Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the day after is always just damage control
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
