I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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