How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
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