hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
