I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
