Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
