his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
