i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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