so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
