so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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