If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
