apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
