Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
