Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
