he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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