My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
How's work?
Spinning.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
