I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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