Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
