i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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