You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
