im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
