I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
