i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
