You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
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i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
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I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
is it fun? or sober?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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