the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
