I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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