we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
