i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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