dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
