everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
