i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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