During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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