My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
