dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
