Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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