I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
